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This French Marine is in
excellent physical fighting condition.
He is ready at a moment's
notice to deploy for combat duty world wide to
secure world peace and safety.
He is disciplined. He is
fearless. He is well equipped. He is willing to go
the extra Kilometer. He has a sense of justice.
He is dependable…
He forgot his accordion.
Maybe he grew up eating too much ratatouille, a traditional French vegetable stew.
If he knows how to make ratatouille from
scratch, he should probably find a way to cut some carbs and calories. |
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New Video Game: |
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Great Quotes About The
French:
"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that
exerted more of its national will fighting against
Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?"
--Dennis Miller
"Do you know it only took Germany three days to
conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was
raining."
--John Xereas
"It is important to remember that the French have
always been there when they needed us."
--Alan Kent
"As far as
I'm concerned, war always means failure."
--Jacques Chirac, President of France
"The French
are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed
any better, on average, than the citizens of
Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and
drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more
stylish than sitting inside and drinking large
glasses of whiskey I don't know."
--P.J. O'Rourke (1989)
"Only thing
worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in
Canada"
--Ted Nugent
"You know frankly,
going to war without France is like going deer
hunting without an accordion. You just leave a lot
of useless noisy baggage behind."
--Retired
Gen. Norman Schwarzkopf
"I would
rather have a German division in front of me than a
French one behind me."
--General George S. Patton
"The French are
worthless...utterly worthless. They couldn't
organize a piss up in a brewery!"
--Elton John
"France would
be okay if it wasn't for the French."
--Alexi Lalas, American soccer player
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FRENCH JOKES |
| Why do the
French have glass bottom boats in their
Navy.....To see all their other ships. |
| How did the
French react to German reunification? They put
up speed bumps at the borders to slow down the
Panzers. |
| What do you
call a man who only needs body armor on his
back? Jacques Chirac |
| How any French
soldiers does it take to change a light bulb?
Five...
- one to sit on his butt and watch and do
nothing.
- the second to turn tail and run.
- the third to roll over.
- the forth to surrender to the light bulb
and snitch out occupied sconces.
- and the fifth to pick up a phone and cry
to the United States.
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| What does "Maginot"
mean in English? ----- "Welcome!" |
| Q: How do you
castrate a Frenchmen? A: Kick his sister in
the jaw. |
| Why don't they
have fireworks at Euro Disney? Because every
time they shoot them off, the French try to
surrender. |
| How long does
it take a French woman to take a shit? 9
months |
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FRANCE
ANNOUNCES TROOP DEPLOYMENT
Fri Mar
14, 2003
Paris, France - President Jacques Chirac
announced today that France would be deploying
two elite units of French troops to Iraq in
the event of war. Five hundred crack troops
from the 42nd Groupement d' Instruction en
Abandonment (42nd Surrender Instruction Group)
are mobilizing to assist the Iraqi Army in the
finer points of military
surrender. |
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FRANCE
WITHDRAWS SUPPORT FROM JERRY LEWIS
US
Offers Bulgaria $30 Billion to Hail ‘Nutty
Professor’ as Work of Genius
In a sign of the
deepening rift between France and the United
States, France today announced that it was
withdrawing its support from the
actor/comedian Jerry Lewis.
“As a nation, from this day forth we will no
longer consider Jerry Lewis a comic genius,”
said French Foreign Minister Dominique de
Villepin. “Nor will we be pressured into
thinking he is funny.”
For years, France had isolated itself by being
the only country in NATO to hail such Lewis
films as “The Nutty Professor” and “The
Bellboy” as sublime achievements of a
brilliant comic mind.
But by withdrawing its support from Jerry
Lewis now, the nation that has long sustained
the reputation not only of Mr. Lewis but also
of the unshaven actor Mickey Rourke is sending
a strong signal that it will no longer be
seduced by America’s dubious cultural icons.
“If I were Madonna I would be very, very
concerned right now,” said Dr. Henri Broyard,
an observer of the French cultural scene.
At the White House, aides to President Bush
were taking the French announcement in stride,
expressing confidence that they would soon
find another nation to celebrate the work of
Jerry Lewis.
While reports indicated that the
Administration was prepared to pay Bulgaria
$30 billion to recognize the genius of the
star of “Cinderfella,” there was some surprise
that Britain’s Tony Blair had not offered to
embrace Mr. Lewis’s art.
Reportedly, Mr. Blair fears that several of
his key Ministers, already upset by his
position on Iraq, would tender their
resignations immediately if Mr. Blair said he
thought Jerry Lewis was funny. |
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